"It's not you its me?
"I'm not ready to be in a relationship?"
"You rather be with your friends than with me",
"Why aren't you trying anymore?"
" ha, you remind me of ex"
" Who is that and why are they liking your pictures? are you cheating on me?"
" Omg yes, let's make a list of the things we want to do Together "
" i'm not like very other guy/girl"
ect........
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| Tumblr Image @ Jay and Alexis |
We have all herd this lines many times before, it seems as if we all use the same script. Getting into a relationship is hard and it's even harder to keep one. Lately, I'v been thinking a lot about this topic and decided that I would change things up and use my personal experiences and try to put this topic into perspective . After a lot thinking and analyzing I have narrowed it down to the following top six reasons as to Why Relationships Don't Work Out:
1. You are Carrying Emotional Baggage
Carrying Baggage can be defined as feelings and painful memories you have about your past that have negatively effected your perception. We begin to measure our not so great relationships to our current situation and end up in an endless cycle of bad first dates and terrible sex. Have you ever found yourself on a first date discussing your previous relationships and talking about how insert ex's name here lied to you and cheated on you with that " just a friend" or how insert ex's name here took you for granted and never seemed to care?. If you answered YES than you shouldn't be in a relationship. Carrying emotional baggage is only natural and know there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way, but you should still avoid a relationship at all cost. Give yourself time to get over your past experiences before jumping into the dating world again. It's not fair to you or that person sitting across the table to have to sit through a rerun of your dating life. Don't use a new relationship as a coping mechanism to getting over your ex because I can assure you it won't work out. You won't be happy and at the end of the day your happiness is the most important. Check your luggage at the door before running into something new.
2. You are Jumping to Conclusions
It seems every potential or current relationship suffers from J.T.C disorder it's deadly and can cause unnecessary arguments. We see things when they aren't even there and begin to assume and speculate all sorts of scenarios that inevitably lead to an argument. Communication is key in any relationship being able to communicate loud and clear your intentions from the begin can reduce the sleepless nights and text rants about how _______ didn't text you today , or he/she must be uninterested and is definitely with someone else. Overthinking kills ladies and gentlemen. If you want a healthy relationship do yourself a favor and don't sit there and write the next Star Wars trilogy in your head, just communicate your concerns before entering the first stage of J.T.C.
3. You are Setting unrealistic Expectations
Guilty as charged. We have all set unrealistic exceptions going into a relationship or being in one. Our generation is constantly being exposed to " relationship goals" through social media outlets. As we scroll through our feeds we see the perfect couples who do everything together, the unexpected gifts at the door and the MCW/WCW being shared for everyone to see. We begin to create an unrealistic idea of what a relationship is and what is defined as a healthy relationship. We are seeing things from an outsiders perspective. We don't see the arguments and disagreements this couples have on an outgoing bases. Don't compare your relationship to anyone else's, try to understand each others point of view and communicate from the beginning what you expect from the relationship. A healthy relationship is one that is based on honesty and communication, don't try to change each other in order to fit a mold or try to be like that " perfect" couple. A relationship will never be perfect, and thinking it should be will lead to failure. Grow from the good and bad experiences you live together and set realistic expectations that correlate to the stage of life you are both currently in.
4. The Sex was Bad
Did reason number four catch your attention? Can you relate?.
Well, here it is it's not about how _______ was bad in bed and how they couldn't satisfy you sexually. Bad sex has a lot of different meaning for a lot of different people. To some people it's a very important part of building a strong relationship, where to others it's simply an act and thats okay to. We are all different and have very different needs. Sometimes we lose touch with our partner and forget that it takes two to make a intimate relationship work. If you don't have a sexual connection with someone it doesn't mean that a emotional connection can't be possible but it's an issue that needs to be communicated. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship that you don't want to be in. If you are already in a long term relationship and your sex life is getting boring or it doesn't excite you anymore don't walk away, put in effort spice things up and be a selfless lover. Don't be afraid to satisfy each others fantasies, express what you like and what you don't like behind close doors. In a intimate relationship you need to be completely naked and I don' mean that kind of naked..... I mean you have to be able to open up more and transmit to each other what you want and expect. If you can't do that a relationship won't work.
5. You Both Wanted Two Different Things
How many of us have fallen for that one person who we knew were on a different wave length than us?.You both saw the world in a very different way but you continue to put effort into a relationship that you both knew would not work out. I think the biggest mistake I have made in a the dating world is not realizing when I should walk away. If you don't share the same dreams and goals in life than there will be no potential for a real future. You should be with someone who shares the same ambition as you, someone who will be by your side helping you build a beautiful life. We have all experienced that stage where both of you don't really know what you want from the relationship. Sometimes we just need to be straight to the point, and communicate to each other what we want . Do you want to be serious? or are we going to keep it casual? it's those unanswered questions that will linger in your mind and make a relationship not work.I've been in that situation where you are left wondering what the other person really wants. or in this case what they ever even wanted. Ladies and Gentlemen don't be afraid to be straight up with each other, let each other know what you want from the start. You be surprise to find out that maybe that other person wants the same thing as you.
6. Sometimes Things are Simply not Meant to Be
We have all been heart broken at one point or another and have been left questioning whether we are the problem. Don't ever blame yourself for the things that fail, sometimes things just don't work out. If there is something I have learned from my experiences is that timing is everything, you can't force anything. You just need to let things take their natural course, and have faith that their is a bigger and better plan for you.Take your heart break and all the unfulfilled promises and turn them into a lesson. Learn and grow from every situation that comes your way and don't dwell in the past. There is someone out there who will make you the happiest person on earth and when you met them you will realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
Remember......
A Relationships take two people who are mentally and emotionally ready to invest their all into each other.It takes two people who are at the same stage in their life where they are ready to settle down and begin building a life together. I have been in really good relationships where the other person has taught me a lot about the world and about myself and I've also been in terrible relationships that have left me heart broken and confused. You have to realize that you can't let someone else define your happiness. It seems very cliche but in order to be happy with someone else you need to be happy with yourself first. Achieve your goals and get to where you want to be in life before getting into a relationship. There is nothing worse than feeling like you missed out on life. If your stuck in a bad relationship get out now and don't force yourself to be with someone you don't want to be with, and if you are on the other side of the spectrum don't be afraid to be with that one person you can't seem to stop thinking about day in and day out. All it takes sometimes is a little bit of effort.
